Sweet Victory..


Err maybe bittersweet..

so as a post said earlier....most peeps crawl back to me...even when they walk off...so it happens again...must roll eyes now..

I delete you outta my book once and usually never re-add you....and yes I do forgive..will I go back..NO! Life is too frikkin small to care about a person (NO i'm not Evil..but don't EVER screw me over and expect to take you back!!!!--call me vicious then!)

hah hah haaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Hope I come back to Indiana alive!!..

So this christmas/new year's break has been a LOT of work! I'll keep it short, but well I had to help family move stuff from here to there...for quite a FEW days. Yep...sore back, for some reason I twisted my foot...so the bottom of my left foot still hurts..been a week now!

Then..went sledding yesterday...twisted arm beyond belief...I could have gone on the cheezy girly hill..but I went on the MAN hill..where only the big ol teenage boys or men go..yah it was a blast showing them I could do it too! And then do it backwards!! They weren't sure as to how I kept my balance--as my bro overheard them talking when I was half way down the hill...anyways, so that was great..Well you know while I'm at it...I went there again today! Went on the MAAAN hill again (previous post "hugest of huge hills")..soo...some stupid girls up there with their boyfriends screaming "oh my Gawd I can't do this..Nooooo I'll die..oh my God..I'm gonna get hurt and break a leg"...GIMME a break yo..slipping down a hill isn't THAT bad...if a boy can do it..so can you...grr sissy girls piss me off..So I went down the Maaaan hill, also known as ANOSTICA's hill..had a blasT!!!!!!!!(AGAIN)!!! And I went down backwards like yesterday!!! It was GREAT!! I fell off ONLY when I went down straight..and it was great!! Worst part is that I landed on each butt cheek individually on two different strolls down the hill..so yah, whole butt hurts :( That's not all..whole leg hurts...and I also twisted the other arm..so I can't lift both of my arms any higher than my head!! Oh and lastly..I almost knocked myself out..yah talk about seeing stars!! I screamed at my bro when that happened..poor kid, he ran down the hill to see if I was alive...thankfully I didn't knock myself out..what a workout though!!! But ohhh the pain.. I refuse to take advils on this one..I've experienced a ton more pain than this before...mom keeps telling me to sit on cushions..but I hate cushions, I've always liked carpet, and hate cushions underneath me at the dinner table too...

I wish I can do more sledding tomorrow..I'm not done with it yet...but I think I might shop instead..

So point of post and to sum it up...hope I come back in one piece..did lots of handy work this whole break...and I'm sooo sore...hopefully I'll don't break in half...

Ramblings..

Yep quite a few stuffz to write about since I got back into good ol hometown..so I'm just gotta jot em down..

-So I run into soo many of people I knew in high school..this town really isn't small..and I generally don't forget names..but today I saw some girl from my sis's class--couldn't remember her name..sorta bugged me..saw some dude..I think he was a student of mine when I TA'ed in this town a few years back for my previous degree...

-went out with a friend today...totally fun and great. She and I are notorious for getting kicked out of restaurants..cuz we can't stop talkkkkking..hahaha, I swear..the place was loaded and they needed our seats...or something..yep same shit happens every time...then we both just hopped from one coffee shop to another...was good ;)

-need to go shopping, been a while....hopefully TOMorroow!!!!!

-not sure if I'm excited about upcoming semester--another major hurdle to pass before I can continue my current degree program.

-few friends keep calling me..you KNOW who you are..and I warned you all..I may not be free...sorry I'll call you back most likely when I'm back in Indiana..I told you all to come camp out in my apt..soo come on over ;)Okay it's ONE of you for sure!!! Yah yah don't e-mail me something nasty.....if you care soo bad, come visit me!! ;)

-Went sledding today..on the hugest of huge hills..I used to go on the dinky hill next to the big one when I was younger..I went on the big one today...was awesome. Realized I like to sled down backwards, yah that means with my face facing up towards the hill, and back towards the bottom...had a BLAST! I think I totally twisted one arm though..it hurts soo bad :( Nonetheless, I'm GOING again tomorrow!!!!!

-Got a new pinky phone..it's cool, but am gonna go back and get a newer and better phone tomorrow--that one will be pink too!!!...so y'all better watch out..I gotz a better phone plan too now!!!!

-been playing Nintendo..yah old me huh..anyone remember Tetris? (did I spell that right?)..yah I can play it pretty well now..I'm OLD I know..also play mariobros3 or whatever it is...i'm pretty good at it ;)

-Would LOVE to come home in Indiana to an empty roommate-less apt!!! oh howwwwwwww fun!!!

-made a funky CD for myself..can't wait to boom it up in my car....seems like that's the ONLY place I can get some time to myself..and just listen to music as loud as I want..

-I like humble people...if you can't be humble..go to hell...serious..sorry I'm a bit abusive with this...but don't blow your shit in my face and think you're GREAT! the world doesn't revolve around you..neither has it ever revolved around me..nor would I want it to..cuz if it did, that would be wrong...

-we need sunlight here!!! been a whole damn week here..and no sunlight...need it!! Got 3 or 5 inches of snow last night..was GREAT!!! shoveling it all up for two driveways wasn't fun!!! soooree back :(

-Some people or a person just don't get it!! You can't smooth talk to me..or think I'll think TWICE!!! nuff said

-blah..i'm tired

Chemist me?? realllyyy?

I got this quiz from Sasha's blog..sorta cool..though I'm not a mad chemist mixing chemicals..

You scored as Chemistry. You should be a Chemistry major! As if that isnt clear enough, you are deeply passionate about Chemistry, and every single chemical reaction and concept fascinates you. Pursue that!

What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com

Chicken!!!

Okay so I admit it..I'm a huge chicken. I STILL get scared at night. I don't know why..it freaks me to think there is a ghost out there watching me when I sleep..or that someone will crawl into my room at night and whip out and knife and kill me. That's partially the reason I always try to get a room on the highest floor in apt complexes.

Stupid contracting and expanding of wood and shit at night freaks me out...I'm at a newer house now that my family built..here for the break. Been staying in all rooms of the house, just sleeping in a diff room each night...each night it's me making sure I'm close to a wall far away from the door or window...man, I'm a freak.

I guess watching Rescue 911 as a child and seeing too many stupid unsolved mysteries, and extraterrestrial crap shows (cuz of bro) really really messed me up...maaaaaaaan, I think I'm over it..or am I??

Tainted Sleep...

Just woke up all pissed off today. Some stupidass song was stuck in my head which I NEVER listen to...turns out my damn roommate who is about 95% retarded was listening to some song over and OVER and OVER again..and I musta heard it for the last 1 hour of my sleep. Woke up soo not happy...wanted to walk out and say something..but figured it was no use...

Rants of the day..

1. I woke up on my own today...7:40 a.m. Very early. Just tossed and turned till 8:30ish and then got up. Didn't get very good sleep last night though :(

2. On my way to school in bus..saw some "christian whatever dudes" who wear the badge that says it. They tried to small talk with me--oh it's cold. Yah gimme a break. I don't believe in publically blowing your religion in someones' face.

3. My experiments blew..I'm at square 1 again :(

4. Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if I had become a doctor instead..but I can't stand puss or ear infections

5. The campus is pretty quiet..Even my hole in the building feels quiet!!! A teacher said the slyest comment to me today...not sure what the hell was wrong with him.

6. No one is working today..I don't feel like doing anything either.

7. Didn't go to a departmental luncheon. Lab peeps came down and told me you didn't need to bring something to go...soo many people and OK food.

8. Friend called me at 8:25 a.m...a time I'm never up..but was cuz I was I picked up...friend had a bad dreaaaam

9. Boss seems to be in a good mood. Been joking to me all day....

10. Why is that everytime I see a letter in my mailbox from the dept..I think they are kicking me out, and that I did something terribly wrong??

11. I realized the power of the crap I do research on. Working with human cells now and literally watch the cells die in front of my eyes in the period of two days!!!!!!! Now that's very little amount of cells that I work with..imagine a HUGE human with TONS of cells...scary :( Freaks me out...if I get it.......

12. Computer tech guy walks past my office too much..sometimes I wanna give em something to do..or does that mean I need something to do? :-/

13. I'm outta here :)

9.

Evil meee

Maybe it makes me a vicious (sp) or an evil person..but I've never gone back and tried to win a friend back. I got in a fight with my roommate last night..will I go apologize? no..I honestly don't think I should. She did more wrong than I did. I'd rather have it just pass me, and I know it will a few months down the road. Till then I get some peace and quiet to myself I guess w/o having to hear her shit.

But...it got me thinking. I've been like this all my life. If a friend leaves me or decides haha I can't stand you, or I'm better than you. I just turn the other cheek and walk away. I've never written letters or e-mails or called them begging to take me back. I can remember it back from 8th grade when my friend Amanda got mad..we didnt' talk for a year till she wrote me a letter and had someone give it to me saying "hey I wanna be your friend again". sames goes for my friend Anne..who decided that one day she was gonna walk away and never talk to me again. I walked off too..she tried to get back and wrote an e-mail. It was nice deleting that one. Same goes for another friend who recently accused me of not keeping in touch. Oh well..what can I say. I could fight it..but is it in me? nooo...!!! Lastly...same goes for roommate, am I gonna try extra hard to be her friend or good roomie with her again? NOPE (look at me spill..hahah y'all hate me now!!!!!!)

Why do I do this...hell my philosophy, I've got one frikkin life to live and I'm gonna live it to the fullest. Am I gonna let one thingy bug me...nope. Honestly there's so many friends I've got now that I wouldn't mind losing a few...I feel like I'm at a phone-a-thon (did I spell that right), trying to make money on giving advice..or bullshit. Anyways, point of post...there's so many people in this world...if I lose one..OH WELL...life goes on.

***now what really matters is which one I lose...cuz then I really have to assess if it's worth it... :)

So Dissapointed!!!

I was reading yahoo news...saw that Bryan Adams had sang in San Antonio for NBA finals on June 9,2005..how could I have missed :( Guess I'm not his biggest fan after all..Suppose someone else took that position...

check out Bryan Adams with his mouth open probably singing a great song which I missed :(

grrrr

So...some gang dude was put to death today. Why does it bug me? I don't know..cuz I guess I'm not for the death penalty; or cuz I'm stupid. Dumbo me who hates news decided to read up on the "lethal injection"..and how it happens--come on I always wondered. It only made me disgusted, sad, and grrr..WhY! What kind of people can stand there and watch a person die?? They allow witnesses. I can't imagine watching a killer die if he had hurt someone I knew..a life is a life..killing doesn't solve much.

blah...

Blah..nothing special..so if you don't feel like reading b.s. I'm warning you to click next blog, or just close the window.

So yah. My hands are frikkin sore...had to help CLEAN lab today..guess it wasn't too bad; and trying to cram about 13 or so people in small rooms is NOT easy.

My planned experiments have all been delayed till tomorrow. Wonders of biology amaze me..yah right, it's more they PISS me off. Out of 5 experiments I wanted to run today, I was only able to run 1 today..the rest are on hold for tomorrow. Grrr.

Been working on the last bit of stuff I need to do for my class before I'm done class-wise this semester. So...writing two papers in lab. Got one done last night pretty fast. Working on second one--not as fast cuz it just isn't that interesting.

Signed up for classes. Guess I'll be taking some hardass biochem course next semester..It should help me for my project; AND a stats course. I'm hoping to keep only one..cuz I gotta prepare for a HUGGGGGEE examination during next semester. Must pass if I wanna stay in my current degree program.

I remember last year around this time..I was shitting a brick basically...Had two stinkin finals, and an idiot on my back who wanted to study with me...when the idiot knew I only study alone..

blah...that's it...

I love polar bears!!!!!!!! soo cute!!! found this one on yahoo news :)
Anostica

X-Men in class!

As I sat in class today, I got the image of Wolverine from the X-men yanking out his claws. Yah I literally saw a cat fight happen in front of me..Got me thinking.

Some two undergrads, mind you the ONLY ones (yes very BRAVE!) were giving a presentation. Both from bioengineering or something. One of them put up a slide about a mathematical equation, and said since she's an engineer she likes equations (kinda got me off guard,cuz most engineers can be stuck up..I know a few!). But I figured..young undergrad good for her! I had a few questions to ask the girl about her presentation. Hers was the ONLY interesting one I've heard this week, but I rarely ever ask questions, and figured I'd missed something so what the hell..I won't mess with her. Here comes Wolverine in action though--our TA (a "former" engineer now biologist--yah I don't get it either)..decided to ask this poor young undergrad about how the constant in the equation was derived. Man I just wanted to yell out and say shit...come ON..it's like asking please tell me how you figured out the speed of light. Gimme a frikkin break! It's not about some frikkin competition here...and hell there is NO way some young lad would know how to figure out this daaamn constant!! better yet does it pertain to the whole picture we were looking at? NOOOOOOO!

There's another dork in my class. Stuck on one specific topic ONLY--I think that's ALL he knows. So he'll pinpoint it out of everyones' presentation and say..yo yo yo..this is wrong. I'm sitting there thinkin..dude gimme a break. He spoke yesterday about my presentation too..though I had warned him not to ask me something..as I had promised to not bug him about his. I complied..someone else didn't..asshola...

Overall..I realized one thing..education is totally a huuuugeee competition!!! Everyone wants to out-compete the other person. If one hears the other knows more..they wanna shoot em down. Why can't we all just work together and share ideas? Why must some wanna be ahead of others?

I've been told before on how to do things which I already know how to do, but I don't sit there getting mad over them. I don't compete to see if I know more, or wanna show more.

I guess what ultimately should matter is that when you walk away from school years down the road, and look back..do you realize how much you learned? Or do you think of how many people you beat in that race? I got done with class tonight..and the thought which hit me was, did I learn all I wanted to know? I didn't and don't really care about my grade that much..I'll be happy if I can get a B..as I need that as a grade requirement..but gosh it's not about the frikkin grade...or if I'm smarter than that engineer..it's about whether I walked away with something more in my head than what I had before starting the class..

yep Tangents galore.....I donno..my mind is thinking that way......OK..off to take a shower

Three things..

1. It's snowing cats and dogs outside!!!! yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. I'm OLD! My back cracks all the time when I bend backwards...my lab members hear it and wonder if I'm some oldieeeee!!!!

3. I'm craving chocolate more than I've ever craved it in my life!!!! YUM!! Snickers..mmmmmm...

What a sweet friend..

A friend of mine who I did both of my previous degrees with is awesome awesome awesome!!! The girl I've known her since I was a wee wee 18 year old. She was a biology major too--though she went for the biggest part (bigger organisms) of biology--Ecology..while I went for the teeniest--microbiology.

She's soooo sweet. She has a job now in some cool ass college by my hometown, and everytime a job opens up...she recommends me. I would have gotten a cool ass job this July because she wouldn't stop talking about me to them. I didn't apply cuz I really wanted to give this current degree program a shot--figure I should go down trying rather--at least in education. Anyways, she's been writing me asking me about when I'll be done with my current degree because she's got the professors pinpointed whom she thinks will be old enough and retiring by the time I get done..so that way I can take over their jobs.. what a sweetieee :)

Frustrated..

Spoke to Drama queen again today; no I should say I went to give daily couseling session for crazy. Maaaan..If it isn't one thing it's the other. I'm sure you've all read my post about drama queen drama queen drama queen. I will not repeat myself. Just wish that some people would understand the essence of science and that not everything works out the FIRST frikkin TIME!! Or the 7th time...gimme a break...get some patience. And hell, I'm stressed too..don't blow your shit on me...

My friend sent me this song a while back..the lyrics really match what I'd wish I could say to Drama queen..I can't sing so I won't sing it. I don't have the courage or else I'd say it to her face!!!!!!

Here goes the lyrics...song is by Toby Keith..(yah I like country..just not him that much specifically!). And it's not really that I wanna talk about me..the song just depicts how I feel listening...I'm not much of a person who'd share anyways..

Lyrics for Song: I Wanna Talk About Me
Lyrics for Album: Greatest Hits 2

We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occassionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes
your high school team and your moisturizer creme
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama
We talk about your guys of every shape and size
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize
We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts
And your medical charts and when you start
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occassionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

You you you you you you you you youyouyouyouyou
I wanna talk about me

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occassionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

I wanna...

I wanna...

-Watch Bend it Like Beckham again

-Do whatever I want to do without having to worry

-Get good grades this semester

-Pass my prelim examinations this coming spring semester

-Work out, work out, work out and be able to do it like I used to

-Have a cleanass apartment

-Just lay back and relaxxx for a day

-Have my groceries delivered to my apartment; I'm too lazy to go out

-Move OUT! I want a new place to myself..can't stand the shithole I'm in

-Listen to everyones' problems...just don't have enough time :(

-Hear celebrity gossip stories

-Not see dead people on the news

Ohh..there's too many wanna's..I quit..

Ohh..and a close up....Poor thing :(
Anostica

Same picture as below...but a little farther away. Click on the pic you'll see it bigger. And if you haven't figured it out..the deer didnt naturally die. It's called HUNTING SEASON :)
Anostica

A time to kill huh. Yep, if any of you lived in Minnesota or the northern states you'd understand this pic totally around this time of the year. Everyone hunts, and you see these rigidly looking dears on top of their trucks driving them home..because it's like winning the lottery!!!!
Anostica

Capital punishment

Just a post I wrote years back...about capital punishment..well it's back in the news..figured I'd read up on what I had written back then, and just post it..rather than rewrite what I did say back then..

Capital Punishment Wed Jun 7 23:37:26 2000
My view on this subject has changed with time. At times I see a case on t.v. and think that the best form of punishment for the offender is the death penalty, yet at other times I think that he/she should be put in prison for life. But lately I've come to one point and only one point, which I keep sticking to over and over again. That being that I believe against the dealth penalty.
The reason I believe against the dealth penalty is as follows. First of all; now days they try to make the 'forms' of death a bit less painful than before, and it's no where near as painful as how much pain the victim of the crime probably went through. The pain the victim probably felt, was the pain of not being able to say goodbye to his/her relatives, the pain of the actual hurt caused by the perpetrator of the crime, the pain of being killed and taken away by someone the victim did not know, the pain of seeing an unknown person as the last face the victim saw when he/she died. Now all that pain does not account to 'some' pain that the perpetrator would feel during a letal injection or an electricution (sp). Due to this, I believe that the only form of punishment for murderers is to let them have life in prison.
I believe that if a person is put in prison for life, he/she thinks about what he/she did wrong. Sure a lot of people out there think that life in prison isn't bad because at least you get to live. But who wants to live in a prison, with no windows, the only contact you have is with other offenders, the thoughts that (I can only predict) run through the heads of those offenders of living their life in the same place forever. I believe the better punishment is when the perpetrator sits around in his/her cell for the rest of his/her life and each night before he/she goes to bed, he/she has to think of what he/she did wrong. I
know for a fact that when I do things wrong, and get punished for it or even not punished for it, I lay in bed at night and think about what I did wrong, and if I wouldn't have done it, I would be a happier person than I am today. But the things I have done are only 'small' kiddy things, no where near as bad as 'killing' others!!
If I had commited a crime, I would much rather have me sent to death than to live a life in pain thinking about the crime I had committed. Thinking about something you've done wrong is the worst kind of torture one can ever get (from my perspective). Though I'm sure there are others out there who probably believe totally differently from me I'm sure.
Please note also; yes I know that the cost of an inmate is high. Yes I know that our tax dollars go out to those inmates who are getting the best they can get for killing someone. And for that I must add as well, that I believe in actually cutting down on that cost..we do NOT need to supply inmates with t.v's, with stereo's, weight room's etc. What we need to give them is a room and a toilet..and some food. That is the only way they'll actually feel the torture of living a life filled with guilt!!!!

What the hell

So..when I went home for thanksgiving I got my haircut. If any of you know me, you'd know my hair is LONG..and well it's curly..so it's even longer, but those springy things make it look less "longer"..so, with the curls it was at my midback..and I had gotten it cut in october, but the damn boogers were growing too fast.

So..I got it cut again last week. Got 4.5 inches cut off the first time, it was hard but I figured I needed to go short as the hair was too long..and took forever to dry. Not to mention all the care I had to put into it!! Well the 4.5 didn't amount to much...because when I got home that night my whole family was like..your hair is still LONG. So, I made another appt with the hair peeps and asked them to chop it off more; they did it free of course, as I said I wasn't satisfied with the length. I got about 4 inches cut off the following day...so a total of 8.5 inches.

Now...well the hair is SHORT. Sits at my shoulders..but you know it's annoying having curly hair, as the curls are NOT regular at all. One day they all look the same and the next day the curls take up their own attitude and do something funky. I'm realizing one side of my head is curlier than the other, though it could be because of me sleeping on one side and straightening the hair out overnight. Anyways, point of this post....WhAT the HELL..well hair looks sorta uneven :( I think it's because one side of head is curlier than other...or maybe it is unevenly cut. Don't wanna go to a stylist again...as I think they'll chop off more. I checked this morning, the hair feels even :( hmmmmmmmmmm

Studying is over-rated!

Grr..I've got a damn test tonight at 7 p.m. Hardly have studied for it, till the last two days of cramming came by. Not too excited about it...hell I just wanna get it over with.

I'm sick of studying. I've been studying all of my 25 years of life. It's about time I quit. I'm sick of classes. Why do they make me take classes when I'm doing research? It's not like I have a life anyways..

Up in the library..figured I'd study. Brought the laptop along...yeeeep, took the last 30 mins setting up the wireless..now I'm online..y'all can see what I'm doing ;) hahaha