Just a Thought..

Why is that when I'm stressed out, I come up with all these diff ideas to post. I wonder if it's a way for me to get my mind off of the shit I have to do...hmmm.

Anyways, working on presentation for a class. And was reading some news stuff online (yah I know totally weird; me and news..don't mix :P). Anyways something about AIDS crisis in India now. It was and is pretty bad in some parts of Africa too. Got me totally thinking. There's diseases out there like Cancer..illnesses from AIDS. And they are pretty bad in big countries..but that doesn't mean they don't exist elsewhere. But it got me thinking. What if this is a way to control the human population? If a country gets huge with too many people there's gotta be a way to get rid of them..so this might be the way. SAme goes for cancer. What if these diseases were put out there so a cure is totally hard to find, so that in a way they can control the human population, so we don't over populate some area? WHo knows..

I think it's sorta like hunting for deer. At least in Minnesota, there's a limit to how many you can deers you can kill per year, but it is allowed...and most hunters love to do it, cuz they love the meat, but if asked why why why...they say, gotta control the population of the deer because otherwise they'd die on the road from cars, or they'd go hungry..

So..back to my thought..what if AIDS is a way to preserve the human race? So that we don't overpopulate and not have enough to eat? And the AIDS immune people out there..maybe that's a different breed of people surpassing the oldy people...Grr, I wanna write more..gotta meet with lab member...OFF!

My Theory...


Everytime I meet my friends' parents I always think his/her parents look alike; as if the parents were related..or that somehow as they say, over the years they have aged to look like each other. But you know..I've now gotten my own theory on it. I do not believe people just grow and start to look like one another or that these people were similar looking from the start.

What I believe is that...By me looking at my friend soo much, I see his/her features. And when I see this friends' parents I totally see my friend's features in her/his parents..and it makes me think that her parents look alike though they are distinct features which I'm seeing show through on the parents--features which were molded into one on the child...I hope I made my point...if I write any more than this..I might just screw this up more..

I'm sure this is a DAH argument..and I'm sure others have noticed it ;)

back to work..

The last few days..


So I've been back in Minnesota since tuesday night and it's been quite fun. Most of the day I spend just doing fun stuff, and at night I hit the books...following is a list of a bunch of happenings...if I wrote of each, there'd be 10 posts by now..and no one wants to read that many ;)

1. It snowed today!!! Yes it snowed!! I'd say about an inch..but it was awesome!! Been cold like crazy..but I'm soo happy ;)

2. I got my hair cut..yah midback to a bit below shoulder length. The woman took 4 INCHES off! And it still looks long...most of my family thinks I didn't even get a haircut. Gonna go back and get more chopped off tomorrow. Hair is/was LONG. It's growing faster than ever!!

3. I have eaten more chocolate in the past few days...than I eat in a year! Yah the new "Mega-size Peanut M & M's" are my best friends!! As are kit kat bars, chocolate or sugar coated donuts, cakes, lots of passta!! I suppose I had to splurge..been a while!

4. I've gone shopping twice in the last 3 days!! I plan to go tomorrow again. Didn't buy much except a sweater..but I do believe I'll buy a few more things tomorrow..as I only realize what I should have bought once I get home..and crave not having it.

5. I want to switch my cell phone plan (again!). I know I know...Sprint peeps are bastards, charging me lots of money for 500 anytime mins when I can get twice the amount of minutes with free mins starting at 6 p.m. for the same price!!

6. I wanna get a new cell phone. Yah..but I gotta wait till january 2006 to change my cell phone plan and get some rebate for a phone..sorta tempted to drop the rebate and get the hotass pinkphone now..I hate waiting!!!!!!!!!!! If any of you care.it's the new flippity phone from Sanyo..specifically it's Sanyo 200 flip phone and comes in a pink version. Kinda want the pink one :P Yah yah..girly me

7. Not too happy about having to work on a presentation next week, and have a test next thursday (which I haven't started studying for!!!). I guess in a way I'm excited too though..cuz then I'll be done with that class for the semester!!! So...either wait till end of semester or get over the shit now..I choose NOW! :P One week of stressin...and the rest is histoooorrryyy ;)

8. I ran into too many people here in town that I know. Hate making small talk and telling them what I'm up to. Just saying I live in Indiana makes them not ask anymore as I hate telling. If they ask more..I just give the generic I'm a professional graduate student answer.

9. I am more accustomed to Indiana body temp zones now. I am frikkin cold here!! My family doesn't feel that it's cold..and I'm freezing! Got sorta sickish the first few days I was here..as the cold hit me hard :( Now I'm doing better..slept in a lot..and worked it off!!

10. It's funny..you hit home..and all your friends wanna see you. It's soo hard when you're soo busy with the fam :( Will see if any time works out for them ;)

Why why..ever thought??

Now that I've had a day away from school and had time to ponder a bit (while ignoring lab work and school hassles)..made me realize a thingie; I guess something which I've noticed before..just never thought of writing about it. I'll cut the walking around the bush and say it. Hmm..Have to explain with somewhat a story.

So... I guess if I work out, or when I work out..I try to at least close the blinds in the rec room of my apt. It's always bugged me to have people watch me while I work out..mainly because I workout at night and having the lights on to that room REALLLY sticks out...yah call me a bit shy..or embarrassed. But it made me wonder.....MOSt if not all rec rooms are usually surrounded by windows. Why would they do that? I mean the only purpose I can see is for people to not get bored so that they can look outside? But who wants to be looked at, in their uglyass workout clothes? (maybe some has nice ones). Who wants to be seen looking all nasty and sweaty? And what if someone is not soo happy with their image and is shedding the extra pounds..would it help to broadcast that body to the world..if this person isn't too happy about it in the first place???? It's always annoyed me...

I guess the only thing I guess they could do, to fix this situation would be to put up windows in which you can see outside, but the outside cannot see in..wouldn't that make more sense??

Drama queeen, drama queeen, drama queen; did I say DRAMA QUEEN??????!!!

Yah you heard right..why must I know Drama queens? Maybe I let them get away with explaining all and making it sound like oh sooooo bad, and ohhh such a bad thing could only happen to her...or him.

So...got a friend like that. I'm up to here with her!! Okay most of you can't see that..but if you could, my hands waayyyyy are above my head (however far I can reach!)! She's driving me up the wall. I'm sick of her drama shit..gimme a break girl. I can't stand your whining complaining and bullshit YOU put yourself through! And don't you dare sit there and make yourself look like the victim of it all..you're not so naive after all. I've seen your tricks! Grr..if only I had the guts to tell her, rather than write it here. I swear each day is a new story..a NEW drama...how can people live like this??? MY GOD! The world is totally gonna end tomorrow...cuz of the shit you're going through..oh my GAWWWWDDD!!! I better call 911 and call it a national emergency!!! Yah..and telling the whole world won't make your situation any better!!!! Yah if any of you cant' tell..I'm FED UP!

So why the hell do I meet these idiots? Knew a gay friend of mine like that last year too. All he did was talk drama drama drama. Oh MY GAWD..it was the end of the world. The idiot was a snag...glad to get him off my rear...no literally..if some of you knew...!!

I wonder if it says on my forehead "come complain please, Anostica is always willing to listen to you bitching!!"..yah I just sit there and listen..and maaaan, I wish I could just say something..but I'm there sugar coating and saying, ohh totally I see your point. Okay okay, I'm not that bad..I did speak up a few times these days, and will say something the other doesn't wanna hear!!! And it catches them off gaurd...

Okey...last thing. If any of you think I'm a drama queeen writing all this...TELL ME!!!! I'll fix myself..TOTALLY. I mean this quality disgusts me..so if it's me..I sooooooo wanna fix it outta me!!!

Be on time!!!

So....I had to wake up EARLY on a sunday. Yah VERY early...for those of you who know me, you know that I sleep in till 1ish on the weekends. So...I woke up at 9:10, and was out of my place by 10:00 because I had to meet with a lab member to check on stuff. This lab member calls me at 10:03 and is like, hey why dont' you start your stuff becauase I just woke up, but will be on my way.

So..I went to school, did the stuff I had to do. Had to incubate stuff for an hour..did that. Then decided to check results at 11:55, but figured I'd call that lab dude. Called him up, and he's like..oh I'm coming, I'm just leaving my apt now. WHAT!!!! Pullleassaseeeee

What a way to start my damn day. It's sunday, and as a lover of sleep..I had to miss out on sleeping. If this person didn't wanna meet early he coulda said so..I was completely up for it! I'm just dissapointed with people who tell me one thing and do another...

Soooo glad that my parents taught me the art of being on time. I can't stand late people...it's okay to be late yourself if the plans are for yourself..but if you are imposing on someone, then dammit be there..I'd never make someone wait for me...that's retarded..

Out of boredom

Yep, so I'm doing something in the other lab. And am a bit freaked about upcoming meeting in about an hour. Trying to wind down a bit..and taking quizzes...following are the results of a few: yah yah..hate me..

Guys Like That You're Charming

You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads Even if they met you on a bad hair day :-) You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet So even if a guy forgets about you for a second... his friends haven't!

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Are Midtown

You love so many things, you don't fit into any one label. Your city girl persona goes to a fancy restaurant one night and a dive bar the next.

Are You Uptown or Downtown?

Your Fashion Style is Classic

You like what's stood the test of time... Simple, well styled clothes that don't scream trendy You stay updated and modern, but your clothes stay in style for a while You wouldn't be caught in animal prints, fake fur, or super bright colors

What's Your Fashion Style?

Your Scent is Pumpkin Pie

Warm, comforting, and a bit old fashioned You've got what men want - believe it or not!

What Scent Are You?

Meetings :(

So...haven't done much in lab today. Still drained from presentation yesterday and some lack of sleep. Just wanna bum around and do nothing. Was planning on it..but nope another meeting again. Was hoping it'd be cancelled, as they hadn't said anything about it; but now I get the formal e-mail about it. Idiots.

Just wanna go home and sleep. Just one of those days I guess. Not sure if that'll happen even considering I gotta work with a lab member at 8 pm today; gotta get groceries, workout, and my friends want me out. Hmmm....out of those what will I do..mmm, lab for sure (yah it's a must), and probably the groceries late...the rest can wait till tomorrow, or never be accomplished.

Roundy cars

What's with all the uglyass looking cars which are all roundy egg shaped? I don't get it. My good friend has one (I won't mention his name as he'll blow up and ruin my post)..but grr all cars these days are becoming all roundy looking. I was just browsing online and saw an ad on top of my screen for civics..and how they've become all roundy too.

I'm all about nice sleek finely edged cars..if any of you know what I mean. I hope some day I can get a nice shaped car like that..for now my current car will do..I suppose....

I can't breathe...

Ever felt like that? Yah...I have so much on my sleeves that I can't concentrate...err on my chest...and it has nothing to do with classes in school. I always thought that the worst part or hardest part of school, were classes...but boy was I wrong. Now days, what's the worst is spending time on research. I swear it sucks you dry. If you aren't analyzing data, you're planning experiments, and if it's not that, you're making stuff for experiments if not setting them up. So...this literally leaves me no time to do anything else..yet, there are soooooo many people who rely on me for support/talk..whatever. Today if I had the chance I wanted to scream!!!!!! grr..i don't wanna get into any more detail than this...

off to do other stuff

My constant hand ache...

It's pain in my palm. And I have it on most days and I wonder why. The thought hit me today. I go into lab most days, and work and do something which I never thought would cause this damn pain till I caught myself doing it today. Turns out that when I split cells, which means to generally replace media of cells allowing them to regenerate; one has to shake the bottle the cells are in--to basically dislodge them from the surface of the bottle. In general you gotta hit that bottle really hard, and I use my palm to do it, while observing if the cells have been shaken off.

So...if anything, I'll be in my current study program for the next 5 years or so. Considering I'll do this procedure of cell splitting almost three times a week, 52 weeks a year, times 5 years..well, I hope I still have a still functioning hand, and not a blue one hoping to fall off.

Poem..

One of the people whose blogs I ran across recently was T's. His wife died a while ago, and he writes a lot about her. He's very talented and can write poems very quickly; I like to say he can write poems "on demand"..as you all will see.

If you scroll down this blog you will see that I posted a picture of the clouds from the airplane on my way home from MN..T saw the picture and wrote me an e-mail saying he was going to write a poem..and little did I know he wrote a poem and sent it. Most of his poetry is about his love..his wife.

So..before I forget. This is copyrighted to T; November 2005

ABOVE THE CLOUDS

I am so trying to stay ahead

But I feel I’m walking in the fog

I can’t seem to get my story straight

Guess I will just have to wait

For a simple epilogue



And I arise

And I’ve devised

A way to stand out from the crowd

It was so simple for crying out loud

Now I’ve got both feet above the clouds



They can say what they want to hurt me

Not going to let it bother anymore

I’m going to move and move fast ahead

Only stop me when I’m dead

Or when I find you instead



And I arise

And I’ve devised

A way to stand out from the crowd

It was so simple for crying out loud

Now I’ve got both feet above the clouds



So now I’m standing with both feet

And I’m high, and high above the clouds

Oh how I wish that you could see me

I know I would have made you proud

With both feet firm above the clouds

I better stop talkin

Yah...that's gotta be it. I've hated apples since the day I was born. Up till this year, I used to eat maybe 1 apple a year--and that's only if I was eating an apple pie, or someone had peeled an apple for me. Otherwise, apples were out of the question--because they were disgusting, and well they took forever to peel and eat. And I used to tell everyone I hate fruit..I hate apples..hahahaha (check archives--this summer I wrote about it).

Yah call it bad karma..maybe not..but weird as it is. I'm crazy about apples now! Yah...weirdo me. I love Gala apples. They are soo juicy and tasty..mmmmm. I just ate one. The best snack to have...

What a dumb post..Ok I'm done now

be yourself..

yah yah yah, if you have been one of those crazy readers of my blog and have known me since God knows when...then you should literally read the subject and ignore the rest. Yeah because this post is going to be like the rest of them. But you know I run into something everyday which makes me want to write about this topic because I'm sick of it.

So..just a little more twist to it, though most of you might think it's a duh factor. Anyways..or I mean so...being yourself goes with having self esteem-so yah duhhhhh. I'm just sick of people literally giving up their belief system just because someone else talks them into it. But then it makes me wonder if these people really wanted it? Or could it be that the person they are exposed to is idiotic and controlling and talked them into it? Or...does the person giving up their way of living because they are WEAK..and lack the self esteem to stand up! Maybe it is a combination of all of the above..

I don't know..as I said before I run into something making me write about this. I have seen the strongest and most confident of people who I've known...just fall apart in front of me, because they think conforming to someone elses' wishes is going to make him/her like them more..or that conforming will be better! Grr..whatever. Compromise is different than giving in...and changing yourself is nasty...unless it's like kicking a bad habit (bad for health) such as smoking. Yes this does relate to the post..no tangents here...but being yourself and standing up for what you want, shows self-esteem...

Hope you are all getting my point. I dont' feel like re-reading this post. Yah..if any of you are bored out there, I'll give y'all a high five if you can count how many times I've written about this topic before!! ;)

thoughts listed..happenings..whatever

so..here goes of what has happened today..yah yah a daily journal, gimme a break.
I got in last night from Minnesota..and now am back at school and in lab..Don't feel like writing coherent paragraphs, so mind me and take the list

1. I slept in again today; I had planned it..I never listen in class so what's the point of waking up early and staring at the teacher? Plus I got the notes from my lab member who is taking the class with me..

2. Been at my desk all day..planning two experiments! Grr..sucks butt that I have to be here at midnight tonight to work on them. Gonna be a long one.

3. Still need to get groceries..I'm out of food!

4. Had my White chocolate mocha again today. I'm addicted..nope, just tastes good :D

5. Classmate of mine came and offered me 3 free tickets to basketball games in February..he can't go, and figured I'd want them. I did offer to pay...but no, he won't take money..

6. Am 100 dollars richer today. Parents gave me a 100 dollar bill..Donno if I'll deposit it into my bank or splurge and buy myself something nice..Probably neither, as I'll probably end up paying up for my plane ticket (well that means I'll deposit into bank acctn..)

7. Gotta go up to other building to work. Too lazy to get up..dammit

8. Been more than ever busy

9. Have given 3 daily morning counseling sessions. Can I say SCREAM!!!!!!! I'm sure there will be 10 more on the phone tonight.

10. Have to present this friday at lab meeting in front of freaky 3 professors and about 7 other students and post-docs :( And have another presentation next thursday in front of whole damn lab.

11. I'm lagging on the blog readings. T's been writing a lot!!

12. And there's a ton more..i only started this an hour ago..now it's 6ish, must head home...must return to lab late tonight :(

On my flight home from Minnesota..I saw this out the window. It looks like snow..but it's Not ;)
Anostica

My alternate career paths..

Yes you heard right...my alternate career paths I never followed. It isn't that I always wanted to be a geeky scientist working in a lab. It just turned out that way. I guess I knew it during my soph year in college, as I was working/researching on mice for my undergrad honors thesis. It became a habit. Hence the masters which followed soon after, as I was intrigued by bacteria..and hence now my current degree with viruses still following mysterious creatures in this world we think we know so well..

So..anyways. When I entered college..well a semester before it..I had taken a summer class in sociology. I was soo into sociology, I wanted to major in it. As a high schooler I was stuck on psychology, as I always understood people well and I gave good advice (people would tell me that). Taking psychology in college got me, and I was totally into majoring to become a sociologist or a psychologist...but I had set it in me that I'd be a social psychologist as I believed sociology more.

Then...there was always the idea of becoming an architect. I loved math..and was addicted to geometry, trigonometry, precalc--grr I miss it :( . My dad tried to get me into engineering..but I walked away from it. I still regret this one..as maaaan...I didn't give it a shot.

I had once even though of being a doctor as a freshmen, but knew that I couldn't stand puss or anything related to the ear, so that was out of the question.

How I got into biology...and stayed on into the lab area intrigues me..as I used to hate labs..couldn't stand them. I think it was lack of confidence and not knowing what to do..but I like kicking myself, and forcing myself to face my fears. I enjoy challenges..and it was a bunch of teeth grinding and bitching inside me, but I knew over time I'd enjoy it. Guess now I sit here at Purdue working..and must admit I do enjoy what I do.