In the storm literally....
 
This weekend my family went to West Lafayette..and also to Chicago to just buy a lot of stuff. My mom bought a lot, as she's the shopaholic...We went to look for a place for me to live in when I attend graduate school this fall.

Err, the whole time we were there it rained..well actually on the way back it rained. My friend had told me that I was in the storm while my friend was the one looking from outside the storm. I never got it till today. I was in the storm and practically drove about 4 hours in it (I drove a bit-in chicago to middle of Wisconsin)...I guess getting out of the storm was like me learning from it. Interesting...

Tomorrow is da game!!!
 
Just thinking...I never keep up with basketball anymore. I sorta lost interest when the Bulls went down, after stupid Michael Quit! Anyways, suppose it's sorta cool now. It's the Lakers against the Timberwolves..suppose I'll cheer my home team! Maybe Shaq will shoot something other than a 1 pointer....as if!

Ohhh...if I only I could see the Gophers go to the finals again, and have them go against Arizona.....that was greeeatt...wow that was years ago!

Do you look like your car??
 
Just watching some t.v. and just saw the commercial in which they compare faces with cars. Interesting as heck, dang it. Considering that I just bought a car recently, I wonder, do I look like my car?? hmm....interesting...

got no sleep..and now feelin it..
 
i barely get any sleep these days. now i'm feeling it. i have no desire to do anything...sucks sucks sucks...

One done and onto the next one..
 
Talking to my parents I told them that now that I have bought my car, my next investment will most likely be a house. Heh, they both told me to hold off. Haha,as if I'm going to conquer the world! Mmm, though buying a house sounds cool. Just gotta keep setting your goals a bit higher. Though I wonder if this one is too high? I mean, yah the car, but that's a huge leap to a house! mmmmmmmm but what else could it be though??

Early mornings..
 
I guess now that I taught today at 7:30(!) in the morning, I realized and learned a lot. When I came to school this morning I saw people out and about at the time of the day when my head is still in bed. Even now, this is generally the time I am about to get up, heh. Interesting though; I suppose it's a different world.

I've been sorting things in my head. And have made some final decisions on a few things and have really put away other things, hopefully to never open them up again (like a Pandora's box). And then there are things I've sorted out that I need to figure out right now. I guess there are only two (thank Goodness) priorities for me right now. One is to find a place at Purdue University, and the other is to finish up some last bits of research stuff. But that is it. Other than that, I'm teaching and all happy happy...I think...finally. I wonder if it's a front I pull off saying I'm happy but then I'm not..but I think I am :)

Slipped out of my mind..
 
I was thinking earlier today about how much I had to write about on this msg board, but now I sit here at 3 a.m almost 4 a.m. not remembering any of it. Oooops. Time goes by fast, and my mind is completey fried cause it's late at night!

Anyways...guess I can only say one thing and that is that I'll be teaching starting this monday. Every day of the week from early in the morning till mid afternoon. Yikes, guess it'll be harsh, but it'll be good money and enjoyable. Unlike other things not so enjoyable...like err my advisor.

Wish ya'll the best..

To top it all off..
 
Suppose I really did it. Suppose it's a bit late to be online at this time, as it's 3:34 a.m! Yikes! Just been a nice day for me I guess. Didn't do much but go on a walk, eat, talk, shop, and clean (haha, as I ever do that) but I cleaned a car.

I bought a car this past friday. Amazingly nice. Got the best deal for it, and it is a 2003 Honda Civic EX. The color of it is called NightHawk Black. But I guess it looks black to me. It has anything I could possibly ask for in a car. The best part of the car, is the thing I saw when I actually drove it myself. It has amazingly cool blue chrome dials, which light up. Kind of a sporty look to the car, but at the same time it adds spice.

So now I wonder, as the topic of this message says "to top it all off." I've had ambitions of doing and buying things myself. I started out small, and my goal was to keep building. I went from small things to a laptop, to now a car. What's next? I was thinking, and I think it'll be a house. I suppose I'll probably buy the house at least 4-5 years down the road, but we'll see how that goes once I get to Purdue University.

A break from it all...the norm...
 
I guess I write a lot on this msg board and as far as I know, only the few people I know well read this, but yet at times I wonder if there are things I want to share on here for everyone to read. I mean, I feel that being anonymous and writing something is much better than writing it with my name stamped on it. As far as we all may say we don't judge, we DO! and it's solely on a persons' name. I figure that's the reason I will start yet another msg board to share a few things. I guess that way people can write to my anonymous address.

Hard to work!
 
I guess it's hard to work when you are soo stressed out and have so much on my mind. I told myself I'd get a lot done when I got home, but it seems that I didn't do much but end up sleeping. Acck, the clock is ticking and time is running out, yet I can't find the energy to get things done :( Guess I realized one thing today....I listen to a lot of music when I have too much on my mind...

ALL That work...guess it paid off!
 
I was thinking this on my way up to the Twin Cities today. I had been working on this grad school admissions stuff nonstop since the April of last year. In april of last year I started studying extensively for the GRE. At the same time, I had started research and worked nonstop with research throughout the summer, while at the same time studying each night of the summer. Yet I also taught for one summer session last year. THEN, on top of it all, I took lots of hard hard classes last fall, all together at once, mainly because I had wanted to graduate, but also to show graduate schools that I could handle hard classes. Then I worked sooooo hard to earn good grades in all those, at the same I taught, and was applying to the graduate schools! There were times I wondered if I could handle it any longer, but I kept going. I was always praying that my hard work would pay off and it did. I even told myself towards the end of november and beginning of december that once all was done, I could treat myself to going on a trip to Pakistan. Well the trip was awesome. And Ahhhhh, my work DID pay off. NOT to toot my own horn, but I was realizing this today, as gosh, I was up to my neck with stuff last year around this time...and my main reason for ALL of it was so that I could apply to graduate schools and get into a good one with good financial aid. I guess I did it; maybe I should pat my back now. But heck this is just the BEGINNING, I still have 5 more years to go, before I can say AHHH, and pat my back and be happy about it ALL.So I guess one type of stress ends, but yet another begins....

One of those "not so talkative days"
 
Hmm. I was thinking I have my "not so talkative days". I guess today was one of them, and I imagine that tomorrow will be yet another one. I wonder why though. I just get to be like that on certain days and it just comes. I've been thinking about it, and I think it stems from me being extremely stressed. At the moment, the stress level is up there, probably sitting at a 8.5/10 mainly because of stuff I need to figure out for graduate school this fall. Other things are bugging me as well pertaining to people, and things I get myself involved with--too deeply.

I suppose that since my not so talkative day will be tomorrow, I may be able to get a lot of work done I hope. Need to meet with the other TA I work with. She and I need to figure out things for teaching next week.

Arrgh, I wait for that ONE day in my life when all things will be handled and I will sit stress free! Will I ever see a day?? Till then I'll have my not so talkative days when I am too stressed to talk, and when the sight of people annoys me. I suppose keeping quiet helps me get things done.

Other stuff on my mind!!!
 
Ayee...so School is finally done and I have about 2 weeks to myself (well now 1 week left), before I start teaching again. In these 2 weeks I have been calling places left and right in West Lafayette, trying to find a place to stay for fall. I have found some areas, but obviously not enough to warrant a drive over there to check them out. I just need to have a place, and it's bugging me up the wall!!!!!! I can't imagine not having a place :((

Then there's the issue about having a car. I have been looking for cars forever!!!! I have the money, just need to sit down and really just find the one I want and then I need someone to go with me to buy the car! I hope to get this car issue resolved in the next 2 weeks so I have a car to drive with...to school!!!

And finding the roommate..would be my first priority..and I sure hope it works out! Please pray for me!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Survivor RULES
 
Yehaaaa!!!! I knew Rupert would win..and He WON!!!!!! He's the REAL Survivor..NOT the stupid Amber who ONLY played by riding someone else's back!!!

Forms of Communication..
 
I wonder...that now with these diff forms of communication these days. Which form is best to use and when? I mean does it make sense to send a condolescence (sp) card to someone over the net, as an e-card? Then there are matters that should be discussed rather than written up. Then there are people who don't just tell you something, but rather tell someone else..what good does that do??

I find that these days people really have to understand the form of communication and then figure out how to go from there. I suppose, I must admit I have probably committed this fault myself, but I work hard at trying not to do it. icck, it's late at night and I should head to bed. wonder if I make sense...

Jealousy...can there be such a thing??
 
Back at it, here to write, as I'm not sleepy enough to sleep yet, and it's 2:15 a.m. Yes, the topic is about jealousy. What a bad bad bad thing..yet so many people experience it. Ever wonder if people stopped being jealous and started appreciating everyone for who they were and what they did rather than be jealous about it..wouldn't the world just be one amazing place??!? I think so!

I try not to think that there are people like that out there. In fact I wonder if I act it sometimes too, and I think I have (yet I'm one to realize I do it, and have *tried* to work on it). Anyways, things I've heard, and seen in life and people have told me, yes they are acting jealous and I try not to believe it...but my God why?? Why do people put so much energy in all this jealousy stuff?? Why?? what good does it do them?? It makes me wonder!

Is it too much to ask??
 
I guess I can be a demanding person from my friends and others. But I have a few expectations..but yet I put them off on the side..should I do that? Is that right? I mean, is that changing myself to fit the personality of others? There are some things or more than some I expect, but yet I choose to ignore them...does that mean I'm lying to myself and not being the true me? Or am I just becoming more accomodating to others??hmmm..I'm confused..

Survivor
 
so I suppose that if it is not about school, it will be about Survivor, the show. Well the finale was today and it was annoying! It turned out that Rupert and Jenna totally were kicked off..and then I was mad. But to choose the lesser of the two evils, I chose Rob..but who won was Amber, the backstabbing girl who cannot play a game! She's a cheater....I guess the show was predictable as I knew Rob and Amber would be engaged..and ohhh...yah, I think CBS realized that their viewers probably didn't like who won..so now they are having the viewers chose another winner...yes I know that one will be Rupert for sure..or it should be!! Because Rupert rules..

something Other Than SchOOL!
 
I guess it's the end of the semester or so it is for most undergraduates and I suppose--even myself. As today marked the last day of the semester for me...I am DONE! Yes, very very done. I will graduate tomorrow with my masters. I suppose I still have a bit to do, as I will be teaching General Microbiology again this summer.

Mmm...what else to talk about. Yes the survivor episode sucked last night. I hope Rupert or Jenna win...I seriously hope Rob dies or LOSES...and Amber that playing girl loses as well....

To think you are very smart or to think you are normal and not smart enough...bling bling..
 
Okay so the topic's ending with the bling bling was totally something I've been saying in my head lately. Sounds somewhat like the TADA you hear when someone has done something. I guess I put it there because it sounds nice. I read it off somewhere the other day and just thought that the "bling bling" just sounded ever so good!

Onto the topic of this discussion. I wonder if I have covered this previously before in my message board, and I am sure that I have, but I feel as I should just write it now--for the heck of it. So I wonder I guess, or state I suppose--as I met some girl the other day and upon talking to her for a little bit, she asked me what I'm up to. I told her I was graduating with a masters' and then she asked what I would do with it, and I said I'm going on into a doctoral program in Microbial Pathogenesis or Structural biology. SO, the thing that came out of her mouth was, you are VERY smart...and at your age to be doing that is amazing. Well..It sort of made me question why I had told her what I was doing in the first place..as that was not the reaction I wanted to hear from anyone. I went on to tell her that I don't think I'm smart, but rather just a normal person who wasn't smart enough.. I know this for a fact as I work and study a LOT to get where I am. Anyhow, she didn't understand what I meant by it. So I explained to her that there are two types of people in life, those who say they are smart, and think that the whole world is jealous of them for being smart....when in reality these people may have achieved some ONE thing in life, and after that, they just sat around. This happens as when one thinks they are high and mighty they have this trophy achievement, and then they sit there showing off the trophy.

Then....there are the people who think they are normal and not smart enough. They study all the time, and are what you call hard workers. To them they can do whatever, and they never have a trophy accomplishment as they never ever think that what they do is good enough. They keep working to do better, and achieve more. I suppose these type of people put a lot of pressure on themselves.

It seems to me that either you can live your life and have a trophy accomplishment and quit right there....OR you can live life and keep accomplishing as you think you have yet to achieve that trophy...To me the latter is a better stance..but yet, I know way TOO many people who believe the former to be true. I see it in a lot of my friends, who I cannot stand after some time, as they start to annoy me and never achieve anything, but have this trophy accomplishment to show off. Then there's me, who literally has nothing to show, as I just study a lot.

On another note..I still wonder about when the day will come, when I will take a class which will challenge me so much, that I will sit there in confusion for days. It's odd, but I want to be in a class like that. I want to do something which is challenging. I thought that taking Biochemistry or Immunology or Microbial Physiology would have done that for me. But Biochemistry turned out to be EASY, Immunology was a bit more studying, but still easy...and Microbial Physiology I cannot judge, though I do know it overlaps with Biochemistry a lot.

Ohh..I'm rattlin on....To conclude, if you think you aren't at your trophy, you are always striving for more in life and will make it somewhere as nothing is good enough for you. Or you have the trophy and you sit there showing it off, because that's ALL you have and you have literally ended your life right there....that's it :)

Taking Credit for something one didn't do!
 
So yes another complaint. I'm sick of it now, but I feel the need to talk about it. I guess it stems from people, a few who I see daily who claim that things happen because it was them that caused the "good things" to happen or turn out that way. Yes but it annoys me. I guess I mean, there are times that people will say yes, he's doing great now, cause it was me who put them on the right track. I CALL that trying to get attention and trying to show off that you are WORTHY of something when in reality you are NOT. See, the ONE person that should be given credit for allowing the person for doing "great" would be the person itself! I can honestly attest to this.....anyone can say anything to you..but till the day YOU believe that, that is the thing you want to do...then you'll do well. People can crack your back, and talk to you all the time, and you will still do bad, or not up to par...but the day you realize, yes that's what I want...HAH, see WHO can STOP you then...cause the odds are for you, and you are driving your own damn train of life, and not allowing someone else to steer it!!! Believe in yourself, and just be confident you can do it, and I KNOW God will be there to help you if you believe in something 99.9%...On the other hand if you don't care about it, and are doing it for someone else...GOD will show you it isn't you, and you will not achieve it.!! As long as you've got a heart and it's in what you want you'll get it...

People can sit there and take credit for stuff you did...but in the end the person who is achieving is YOU...and it's YOU who caused it and NO ONE else!