Just a thought......
 
I was having lunch today with a fellow grad student and we got onto the topic about marriage. I was telling this grad studentthat in Islam, we are told to marry as God wants us to procreate. Hence the reason God created a man and a woman, so that they can marry and have children and make our species live for a loong time. There are other factors which come into play here, but which I did not particularly feel too enthaustic to go into.

Anyhow, this grad student decided that I was wrong, and that I should look into Islam and make sure that God does mean that, and this grad student though I was totally saying something which probably is not correct. I guess it might have been a shock to him, actually it was a shock to him, as he is a catholic and catholics have priests who don't marry. So he was thiking that this thing about marriage could not be true as the noble big people cannot marry. Wrong. That's what catholics believe I suppose. I had to explain to him that even the big people in Islam are NORMAL, and yes they are married and they have kids. It simply did not make sense to me at all to think that a religion could and does believe in the fact that someone should not marry. That is probably the worst torture and I cannot imagine why God would wanna do that to anyone. HECK...I know this system which the catholics believe in is a bit crazy, considering that too many of the anti-marriage priests of this religion have ALL abused children and devastated families. If this order that catholics believe in was truely the true word from God, then God would make it in such a way to not hurt others (those others God has created)..heck this order is strictly not helping, BuT hurting. I know, as I can see from the evidence which I see, that this type of torture is wrong, and it did NOT come from God, but rather from people--people who were too stuck on some stupid scenarios and took things and twisted them into other things.

 As it stands, and and as I see it in the news..I am ashamed to see that so many of these priest have hurt others. These so called noble or whatever priets are people too. Just like anyone else and have normal feelings. Being told to never marry was torture to them or became torture, and they let out by hurting others such as little kids (boys and girls--thinking they'd never get caught. The only thing the Roman catholics can come up with now is that somehow these priests that were trained were originally males with problems sexually or something. Interesting, as I see most people have to find an excuse for everything these days..

A change of mind..or different way of thinking..
 
Being an undergraduate student and now a graduate student, I have learned a lot. I remember back during my last year as an undergraduate. I remember the last few months of my undergraduate career. I mean it was sort of like I was flying in the wind, I mean, I was this bird, and the wind kept on blowing and no matter what I would eventually fly through the finish line as time went by. I mean, the ONLY thing which I ever had to worry about was taking my tests on time, and hoping that I'd pass my classes, which I knew I would, as I've never had to worry about them before.

Fast forward two years later. I am in my last semester of my graduate studies. And there is NO wind pushing me around, I'm like a dead stagnant bird. I can sit here for YEARS if I please, and no one will come to check up on me or budge me around. It's all up to me if I wanna pass that finish line..The wind is GONE, and I'm in some dessert surrounded by nothing. No one is saying hey hey, you need to get this done....I mean I'm writing my thesis, but what's keeping me going is my motivation to get it done. If I don't care about it, heck my advisor wont' either. People take Years to finish their masters only because of this..but yuck, I wanna have it done now, and I hope to finish even if I am a dead bird.

Its sort of like pulling weight that won't move. I mean I have motivation to move, but heck it's all up to ME. Either I keep up with what I do or I don't. Either way, I'll get my masters someday or get it this spring. But by the look of it, It might as well be this spring for me..as I dont' think I want to spend time writing my masters while at some doctoral program....

Speaking of which..I have one of my doctoral program interviews next week. Not too eager about the whole thing anymore..it's more so that I wan't to get done with them....

To be observed..
 
Ahhh..I suppose it's nerve wrecking but people think it's a good thing too. I was told a while back by my advisor that we would be having program reviewers come into the biology department to review how the department is run. She said that during the time I teach, one of them was going to come observe me :( Not only is this reviewer supposed to observe me, but also my advisor will be with him or her...gee thanks ...as I am not nervous enough with one person around! I guess I don't know what to be nervous about...I mean I know what I'm teaching...I suppose it's just the thought of teaching it in front of people who know more than me....considering my advisor..

I teach in about 2 hours..and this 2 hour wait is certainly not one of the best times I've ever experienced! can't wait to have it over with...

Side kicks or suck-up..
 
Another annoyance this just bugs me so much. I cannot stand people who cannot speak their OWN mind (Oh scary scary scary), but rather they like to tag along with someone else. I mean, they hear someone say something and being the dorks they are, they are dumb to not realize anything. But about a few mins or so later, they realize oops I should be talking so then they just TAG along with the other person without using their own darn MIND! Oh my God...as if GOD put that brain in ones' head for a reason?? Or did he? I doubt it as most people STILL would rather TAG along than to use their own darn head!!! ugggh.....If I see yet another sidekick I'm gonna explode!

I've faced sidekicks all my life...I've seen them everywhere..I just get shocked that even when we get older, there are people out there who never get outta that stupid "follower" stage...Gawd...will people please be independant and do what they want to do and not what others tell them to do.........................

To have it sugar-coated or be told the darn truth!
 
I see things around me everyday, and notice people in school amongst my friends say things. I notice that the majority of the time what is said is sugar coated--yes people are darn afraid to say the truth, and would rather make it look oh so lovely then to spit the hard truth into someones' face! I mean come on, tell the truth and make people realize that what you're saying is really it, and that they need to work their whole hard time off to fix it, rather than sugar coating it and making them think that their STUPID mistake is OH NOT SO BAD!!

I mean..it's like this. Lets say since I"m a teaching assistant and I want my students to do well on a quiz or test in a class. I find that a student of mine did okay and got like a 76/100 which most consider average. I being the teacher and expecting the students to do well, would rather tell them to study hard and work for that 93/100 rather than saying, you know you did bad, but look on the bright side it's still Average. I mean, the only thing the student hears is...OH OH OH, my teacher thinks I'm still average and she said "bright" side...oh oh, I'm okay...who cares I won't try! I'd much rather just spit in their face and say, hey hey look I know you can do better than a 76/100, so go home and study some more...your next test should show results.

 I don't know but to me, this sugar coating crap is LYING..I cannot stand it, and it in ways leads to so many problems...Tell the truth ya'll..quit being wusses (chicken) hiding back what you really mean to say....and save the listener some trouble...or well some unneeded happiness....

A smack in the face...and I'm still waiting!!!!!!
 
Mm..first for the waiting! Yes, I'm STILL waiting for my coat that I ordered from Victoria's secret. It has been a month now...and I'm so excited about the dang coat, that I cannot imagine cancelling the stupid order. Also I was told it has been shipped a WEEK ago, so now it's somewhere in the US traveling to my house. I think that once I get it, I will realize that it does not fit me, as I am thinking it doesnt..and if that is the case, I plan on sendin the dumb coat back..and complaining about the stupid shipment policy to vic. secrets!

What else am I waiting for? Oh yes...I hate asking to see if I got mail everday! I hate it hate it hate it..seems to me that, that is the first thing I do when I get home. I ask with a bit of reservation...not really wanting to know what I got. As I am still waiting for two other graduate schools to contact me..Sorta looking forward to seeing if they took me in or not, but a bit reserved about asking as what if they did not take me in?? What if it's a rejection letter??

K..and the smack in the face. So I wrote some of my lit. review for my thesis. My advisor looked it up, and told me stuff about how it's crazy, and all over the place..and how she was bombarded with info in the paper. ACCK..then she says, I donno if its even good enough for the REVIEW yet!!! ohhhhh GREAT...considering that I basically used reviews to write this thing and now she tells me it's not good enough..when it could just as well be a reviews' copY?!!? Huh..I guess I'm frustrated...I'm still writing right now...wondering why as what if whatever I'm writing is totally off track..yah it's probably a waste of time....ayeeeeeeeeeeeee

Call me old fashioned..
 
Maybe I'm weird, but I cannot ever ever ever study with my legs hanging off a chair. Yah, weird as it is...I must study sitting down on the ground or on a bed. My whole life I have studied on the ground, but now days I study on my bed..I must have my legs scrounched (huh?) underneath me, or well I must be sitting the indian style way of sitting. That is the ONLY way I can study or do anything,and be able to pay attention. I could however study I suppose on a chair, but it never feels good,and I lose my concentration. Maybe my feet get cold who knows...I'm not sure..

Even when it comes to writing papers on a computer I usually sit indian style on a computer chair...otherwise now days, since I have my laptop, I sit on my bed writing with my legs scrounched under me...hahaha..it's just me....

I suppose I am old fashioned considering that I also like to sleep on the ground, more than I do on a bed. Same goes for sitting around, I'd much rather sit on the ground than a chair....

All set ready to go..
 
So I've made my reservations for flying out to see a university in Indiana, to which I was invited for, for an interview. I'm excited, and wonder why the heck some university would spend so much money on having me over to visit them at their expense. I guess I'm a bit excited, but I'm not much of a person who enjoys traveling on my own. I suppose this will be one good experience for me, as I will end up learning a lot from this.

So now I sit here trying to figure out faculty whom I'd like to meet with. Funny thing is that you cannot get much out of the faculty from looking at their pictures online or through reading their little blurb on the web about their research. I'm gonna have to look deeper and I'm going to have to do it myself! dang! Then then then...on top of all this, what if these faculty people are some weirdos and ask me some stupid questions..and I'm like..hey, I don't this. What if they test my knowledge?? what if they figure out that i'm stupid...haha, hopefully i'm not..but still Creepy.............

The Great Cold
 
No it's not the flu nor does it pertain to me being sick. But rather to the lovely weather of minnesota. Hahaha, yah sounds sorta weird as if most people would think I'm crazy liking the minnesota weather, but I do. Maybe not the cold cold windchills, but maybe the SNOW. Yes the snow. I like it a lot. As I write it is snowing outside and it looks beautiful outside, almost as good as it looks in those little desktop things you can get, which when you shake them, the fake snow flakes move in there. Yes like that. Oh it's so nice.

We've finally been getting a lot of snow these days. I had not seen snow for so long, that I actually went outside and shoveled the driveway...it was so fun! Only, I still can feel the pain of shoveling :( Acck, when it came to me applying to doctoral programs, I applied to all midwest school...only cause of the snow here and the great weather. I figure it'll make me study and keep me up and on track...

People wonder why I like snow considering I come from such a warm climate and have lived in a warm climate for 8 years of my life before moving here. I don't know, I suppose it just gives me more time to spend getting things done which I probably wouldn't do if the weather was nice....

Be the 1% in the world...
 
My thoughts on a doctoral program. Hmmm..I've had to think of this, and quite honestly I'm too excited to go to school and get my doctorate. The one aspect I'm looking forward to is learning a whole lot more, and also doing research on some totally awesome pathogenic bacteria or possibly even a virus. But but but..I was talking to another graduate student the other day and he brought up something which I can't stop thinking about. This grad student said that why should I be so looking forward to a phd program, when what I'll do and research in will be something only 1% of the population will know about or care about.. He got me wondering. But heck I guess it doesnt' matter who knows what, but it matters more that I''m going into something I like. Lastly, whatever I do will be applied to other areas so it might turn out be a 100% efficient and applicable!!!!