Messed up people.. November 11, 02
Hmm..been a while since I last wrote on here..but this new message will be long. It's more of a complaint more than anything. I've been complaining about it since last october, but it's about time I write it all down, cause it's stupid to recite it to everyone over and over again, but never to write it down on the net.
well it relates to people, or maybe a person. I guess it's stupid how people when they've only known you for a few months will start thinking you are their best friend, and then go out of their way to tell everyone that you and them are the bestest of friends in the world..only because you might have spent some time together, or shared a few thoughts here and there. Honestly, to me a "best friend" is a friend who has been your friend for ages..everyone else in my mind is and will be an "acquaintance"..but how do you tell this person that? Well you can't...all you can do is a be a good friend to them.
And so the story goes. When you have this friend..you try to make them feel good, and will at times put yourself down so much, make yourself look so stupid by saying that they are better than you here and there, so that people will talk to them, and forget you. But still in the end, it never turns out that way, or it might sometimes, but in the end the person you were trying to impress, comes back to you at another time and tells you "your friend despite you making him/her look good" didn't do me any good, cause honeslty I saw the real smart person... What do you do then?
Then there's the fact that there are friends out there, who think that they have to be by you EVERY single minute of the day! Isn't there a such thing as independence?? Yes I call these people "leeches".....It's okay if friends hang out, but it's not okay when that friend thinks that everything you do, he/she should do with you. It's not okay, that the minute you get out of class, this person calls you up, and wants to know exactly where you are..it's not okay when this person will skip class only to waste time with you...what the heck is education for then?? Being an independent person, that I am...it's simply not my nature to be put down, or bogged down with someone..I simply cannot do that. And when it comes time for school starting and other activities in my life, you have to make sacrifices, and how do you decide which comes first? Well you bring it down to one thing, what are you at college for? An education right? So you go for the education.....
And when this "leech" actually leaves you....and you realize, God, how much I am enjoying life more now! How much more time you have, for doing just about anything you need....how much time you have to study...how much time you have to just enjoy life..and how much time you have, to just figure out what you want to do with life....and figure out how you want to spend your every minute of the day. It's an unbelievable experience..one you only really realize to appreciate when you lose it, and are given it back again..
And when you are independent..this leech is gone..you start hearing things..your previous friends who had given up talking to you cause you were always with this leech come up to you to tell you about how much this leech annoyed them..how much they though this person wasn't really my type...how much this person put me down to make himself/herself look good..how much this person was selfish...It's sad to hear that out of your other friends mouth..when you thought this previous leechy friend was still maybe a friend...but then later on, rethinking you realize what had caused you to be brainwashed...Worst of all, it's when people come up to you and tell you, yah this person was really a show off...and say I am glad I can talk to you now..and how much they appreciate inviting you to visit them w/o my other "half" (as assumed before) from coming along....
Lastly..it's the worst when people wonder if this person/former friend of yours ever had his/her own friends? When it's the fact that the only thing that unites you and him/her are your very OWN friends, who are now his/her friends too....You wonder if this person could have had it all this big..you wonder...but people come to reaffirm it...and at times, you still stick up for this person..and people debate with you..and tell you that you are wrong..and that this person was really what you had figured he/she was....honestly he/she was just a wrong turn in ones' life......